Sins of the Fathers
by mrscarstairs
Summary: "Your mother needed this reminder five years ago. It's a shame that you didn't learn your lesson when you were young." Clockwork Prince AU where Yanluo survived and returns for Jem, Will, and Tessa.


**A/N: Guess what, I'm back guys! I know it's been a while, but I was working full time over the summer****,**** so I didn't have as much time to write. Sorry I've been away for so long, but I hope this makes up for it!**

**You know, this might be my first time writing a legit AU and not just headcanon stuff. Fun.**

**This takes place at some point during Clockwork Prince, after the Jem/Tessa bed scene but before the proposal/Tessa learning of Will's curse****.**** Cassandra Clare stated that Yanluo was found and killed when Jem was around 15 (it's a Greater Demon, so I guess I should say it was momentarily killed), but Jem refused the offer to go to Idris with his uncle because he wanted to stay with Will. **

**For those who perhaps do not know, this is an AU—meaning that I wanted to play around with the idea that Yanluo was in fact **_**not**_** dead, and discovered where James had run off to while he was away. This is a character study of sorts; I wanted to throw our trio into an interesting situation and analyze how they might react to it, and I felt like sharing it with you all, so enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot I came up with for the fic!**

* * *

A rush of hot breath stung Tessa's ear as she slowly opened her eyes, darkness creeping around her vision. Her muscles ached in a way she had never before felt, a strange sensation that made her feel as if her bones were almost melting inside her skin. She shifted awkwardly, the rustle of her skirts the only sound in the room aside from the odd breathing emanating next to her. She could not help but shiver as the unpleasant ache inside her body sharpened.

As her vision fought to adjust to the intense darkness around her, she heard the breathing cut off abruptly, transitioning into a feral laugh that Tessa knew was most certainly not human—too rough, forced, unnatural.

"The young woman awakens. Can you see, dear? Perhaps I should light a candle or something of the sort to help you." Despite the phrasing of his words, the voice did not sound concerned for her comfort in the slightest. The sharp click of boots against concrete alerted Tessa to movement, and although she was nearly blind it did not stop her from sighting the pair of pale eyes staring at her from across the room. They blinked a few times before the voice attached to them spoke again.

"You may feel a touch uncomfortable at the moment, but do not fear. The pain in your body will fade. It is simply a side effect of my presence."

"What?" Tessa frowned. The voice had a thick accent she could not place, his words very carefully chosen as if he was not used to speaking the language. "Who are you?" she asked, her throat scratchy and raw.

The laugh returned, rippling through the room and making Tessa's blood run cold. She grimaced as the eyes floated forward until they were directly in front of her face. They were curious but hard, scanning up and down her features. "You sure are a mysterious little creature, my dear. I will enjoy studying you. I may even come to like you."

Tessa ignored the sting in her veins at having been called a creature. "You never answered my question."

"You are like me, you know," he continued as if she hadn't spoken. "Well, not precisely, but you have a sense of demonic power flowing underneath your skin, boiling in your blood." The eyes narrowed. "And yet it lies dormant inside you. How intriguing."

Tessa's thoughts jumbled and overpowered one another until only one remained: _Where is everyone?_

As if he could read her mind, the voice laughed and suddenly Tessa felt a pair of ice cold hands on her bare arms, lifting her to her feet easily. She winced at the ache in her legs. The hands led her forward, or what Tessa could only construe as a straight direction, until a loud creaking alerted her to the opening of a rusty metal door.

Light flooded her vision and she immediately moved to shield her eyes. After a moment of shocking silence, Tessa realized that it was not as bright as she had thought, as the new room was only lit by various torches clinging to the walls. The room itself appeared to be a large bedroom, with bright walls, dark oak furniture, lush carpet, and a four-poster bed. It was not unlike the rooms lining the corridors of the Institute. Tessa shuffled inside, glancing about until her gaze fell on the two figures in the dusty corner, one as dark as a raven's wing, the other as light as the moon.

Will. And Jem.

Both were unharmed, dressed in normal clothing. Neither of them faced her, but still she could sense the tension wafting from their side of the room, and it unnerved her. Will had his forehead on Jem's shoulder, pillowed by his hand. Jem was still and silent, his own hands in fists at his sides. Tessa couldn't help but think that the position in which they stood was much like a marble statue of Greek gods—powerful and mutely tragic.

She was so focused on the boys in front of her that she had forgotten about the third presence in the room. Behind her, the voice deigned to speak again, this time softer.

"I would introduce myself now that everyone is all here, but seeing as the two men are already acquainted with me, I think I will allow them the honor."

Tessa bit the inside of her cheek and whipped around, unprepared for who she might find staring back at her.

Her immediate thought was that she did not know the man, or at least there was no instant recognition. He was much taller than her, with eyes cast in a curve just slighter than Jem's. They were pale and almost hollow, definitely inhuman, as were the clawed, three-fingered hands and sharp teeth. Despite the abnormalities, he had an overall human appearance, from his straight dark hair and pale skin to his freshly pressed suit and gloves. He almost looked as if he were halfway through a transformation, stopping just before the entire monster could seep through. His mouth was stretched in a hostile smile that sent Tessa's nerves skittering once more.

"Not what you were expecting? I can see the surprise on your delicate little face." The accent was thicker now, and Tessa struggled to make out his words. "It is true that I have attempted to mask most of my true form so that I do not frighten you too horribly. That is not really my intention."

Behind her, Tessa heard Jem make a small, choked noise. She longed to look at him, or Will even, but neither of them spoke. She kept her eyes on the man.

"Who are you?" she demanded. "Why have you brought us here?"

If she had been hoping for an explanation, it was quickly doused when the man simply turned and left the room, tossing a slight wave in her direction on his way out. A strange gust of wind blew her backwards. She landed on the bed, her skirts rustling around her as her head rang. The last thing she heard was the sound of a creaking door being shut as the room plunged back into silence.

Tessa righted herself, spinning so she could face the two boys still in the corner, their heads bent together. Will looked to be leaning heavily on his _parabatai_, though Tessa could sense that it was Jem being comforted and not the other way around. After a moment's pause, she realized that Will was murmuring something to his friend, so quietly that Tessa could not comprehend it. Once again she found herself fascinated by them, and the way they seemed to just mold perfectly to each other, two jagged pieces of one coin. Tessa had only witnessed a softer side to Will a few brief moments since she'd met him, and more than half of those times had been when he was either with the other boy, or talking about him. She wondered if she would ever come to understand Will Herondale the way Jem did, or if their bond was a barrier she could never cross.

Jem tensed, finally realizing they were all alone. He turned to look at Tessa, and for a moment she was rooted to the ground in shock. His eyes, usually a bright and almost shining silver, were dull and lifeless, completely empty of feeling. He seemed as if he would collapse to the floor at any moment if not for Will's hands on his shoulders, keeping him upright. There was nothing on his face that spoke of their time together only a few nights ago—the firm press of their bodies, their gasping breaths, his fingertips gliding along the backs of her knees. In fact, she was not even sure if Jem was looking _at_ her or _through_ her.

"Tessa." Will's voice was the first to enter the silence, sounding oddly relieved. "I suppose that answers that question."

"What question?"

Will frowned, his grip on Jem's shoulder tightening as he as well finally met her gaze. The intensity radiating off of him was so profound that Tessa almost glanced away. "The demon said that everyone was all here, so that means Charlotte, Henry, and the others are still safe at the Institute. Lucky for them."

Tessa wanted to take a step closer to the boys, but she kept her feet planted where she was. Something about Jem's alarming fragility and Will's fiercely protective stance kept her away. "You called him a demon," she said slowly, "so that means he's not a warlock."

"Why would you have thought such a ridiculous idea?"

Tessa grit her teeth together, but held back a sarcastic retort. "He looked fairly human. I thought perhaps the hands and eyes were just the marks of a warlock." _Like Ragnor Fell._

"You really don't know who he is, do you?" Will paused when Jem reached up to yank on his sleeve. His silver hair fell over his eyes as he dropped his head. Will sighed. "No, there is no way you would know, is there?"

"Know what?" Tessa asked, her eyes continually drifting to Jem. He was eerily quiet and still, his breathing even but heavy. At first she had thought he was just in need of his medicine, but now she suspected that his discomfort was the result of something else entirely.

Jem lifted his head, his eyes still cast downward. Even the lilt of his voice was dead as he whispered a name, one she had only heard a few times before.

"_Yanluo_."

For only a split moment, Tessa hesitated. Yes, she had heard Jem speak that name in the past, always with great contempt, and she understood why. Yanluo was the Greater Demon that killed Jem's parents and caused his illness. Yanluo was the source of all the anguish in Jem's life, and Tessa had consequentially hated the demon because of it. If there was anyone who did not deserve to suffer, it was Jem.

But was that demon really the young man who had just stood before her?

"_That_ was Yanluo? No, that cannot be right." Tessa racked her brain. "Jem, you told me that he was killed a few years ago. I know that Greater Demons live forever and cannot be permanently killed, but surely he could not—"

"He was never killed," Jem interrupted, harsh and broken. "Otherwise he would not be here right now. Greater Demons take hundreds of years to regenerate, not mere months." His hands clenched into fists again. "He wears a different face, but he is still the same."

Tessa had no words. Fear gripped her heart, for her and the boys, as she was all too aware of the destruction and pain Yanluo could cause others. The demon was known for getting a sick pleasure out of torturing his victims, relishing in their screams and cries of agony. He had tortured Jem and his parents. Yanluo had forced Jem's parents to watch as he injected poison into their son's body. He had mercilessly killed them.

But Jem had gotten away. He'd lived, if only barely.

Tessa could not imagine what he had in store for them, and yet all she cared about was comforting Jem, reaching out to him. Without realizing it, she had inched closer, her hand moving of its own accord to rest against Jem's bicep. Will bristled like a cat, but did not endeavor to flick her hand away. They all stood in the tense silence like that, Will and Tessa with their hands on Jem's shoulders, the torches' lights flickering onto his hair and making it shine like an angel's wing.

"We have to get out of here," Tessa said to Jem. "I will not allow this to happen to you again—"

He cut her off once more, sliding out of both Will's and Tessa's grip on him. "Don't you get it?" he said, so quietly she almost thought she had imagined it. "There is no way out. We will not leave here until either he wants us to, or we are dead. Those are the only two options, and both of them belong to him, not us."

Will grunted. "That bastard. But the Clave swore they slayed Yanluo. They even tried to send for your return."

Jem smiled then, but it was merely a ghost of the one that usually lit up a room. "I suppose it was advantageous of me to already have prior commitments then, yes?"

His _parabatai_ grinned, though it too was strained. Tessa could hear a hint of pain in his voice as he replied, "My dependency saved your life and you did not even know it. Don't worry, I will not ask for gratitude."

Tessa wished their banter could lighten the mood, but it only seemed to bring with it a horrible apprehension. They did not know what lay in front of them. Any word could be their last. Tessa's stomach filled with dread.

"Yanluo is furious," Jem said suddenly, his eyes locked on one of the dark mahogany dressers. "My mother killed his offspring, and she paid for it with her own life. But he wanted her to suffer further than just through her own death. That is why he tortured me and killed my father, all before ending her life. He wanted her pain to be doubled, tripled. It is a part of his demonic makeup.

"I don't think Yanluo ever intended for me to live. The torture was purely for my mother to see, but I believe he had the objective of killing me as well. And yet, here I am, not quite alive, but not dead either."

Will nodded, his features grave and calculating. Tessa could tell that he was already conducting a strategy for escape, despite Jem's insistence that it could not be done. It was the way Will's mind worked; he would not give up on Jem. The thought made Tessa almost smile with the humanity of it.

"Yanluo has likely been searching for you all this time," Will said. "Despite already giving you a slow death sentence, he does not want to make the same mistake twice."

Tessa paled and turned to Will, who was watching her with dark eyes. "And he brought you and me here as well because…" Her throat closed up and she nearly choked.

When Jem spoke again, his voice sounded far away, completely unreachable:

"'The sins of the father are to be laid upon the children.'"

* * *

The rest of night was quiet, almost peaceful. Nevertheless, Tessa refused to let her guard drop, and often found herself glancing at the door multiple times a minute and jumping every time someone coughed or a noise erupted from the floorboards. Sleeping arrangements, after an awkward pause and a few half-hearted innuendos from Will, were quickly decided—Tessa would sleep in the bed, Jem in the armchair, and Will on the floor next to it. They would all take turns, so at least one would be awake at all times should Yanluo or anything else come through the door. They were given nothing to eat, but there was thankfully a bath connected to the bedroom, and a few extra men's shirts for Will and Jem should they need it. Tessa would have to make do with the dress on her back, fortunately a casual day dress and not an evening dinner gown that Jessamine had insisted she wear at all times.

"Do you have any idea where we are?" she asked once they were settled. Will had claimed the first watch before Jem could even open his mouth, and had planted himself right next to Jem's chair, eyes fixed on the door. Jem had his elbows on his knees, and Tessa watched as one of Will's hands drifted up to absently rest on his friend's arm.

"It is highly unlikely that we are still in England," Jem murmured. He had not spoken for hours, his eyes as far away as the sun. Tessa knew, without knowing how she knew, that he was reliving the nightmare of his childhood—the cataclysmic screams and silver powder that dusted the floor like ashy mist.

"Why would you say that?" Tessa asked, though she had already figured out why. She simply wanted Jem to speak, to break out of his trance. She was surprised to find that a part of her was breaking with him, every time he spoke.

Jem frowned. "It would be way too easy for the London Shadowhunters to find us if we were still in the country. If they were to use tracking spells on us, they would still have to notify the members of the Institute near wherever we are, and that could take a while."

So her theory had been the same as his then. She knew that Jem and his family had been captured and kept in his home, but this time was different. Tessa could feel it.

Will gripped Jem's knee. "Get some rest. I will keep one eye on you and one on the door."

"I do not think that I can sleep right now, William."

"Sure you can. Would you like me to sing you a lullaby? I know quite a charming one about a lovely—"

Will cut off upon the realization that neither of his audience members were listening. Jem had his head in his hands, his shoulders shaking, but Tessa knew better than to think he was crying. Never, in the months she'd known him, had she ever seen Jem even tear up. Will as well, and even Charlotte, were almost always composed in that sense. Tessa remembered holding Nate in her lap on the way back from de Quincey's, willing her body not to let the tears fall in front of the Shadowhunters. She never used to believe it, but crying always seemed like a weakness around the Nephilim.

Tessa turned her attention back to the boys, who were staring intently at the carpet. "It was nice of the demon to give us such lovely living quarters," Will noted, gesturing vaguely with one hand. "For a demon who enjoys torturing his victims, I am feeling rather comfortable."

"Yanluo is not that kind of creature," Jem said. "When he attacked my Institute, he had us manacled to chairs in one of the rooms. Throwing us in a dungeon isn't exactly his method of choice."

Will opened his mouth, ready with a witty remark, but he was interrupted by the sound of a door sliding, creaking on its hinges. Tessa turned from her place on the bed to gaze at the figure entering the room, still dressed formally in his dark attire. The torch on the wall next to him outlined his face in shadow and fire.

Yanluo smiled, again revealing his inhumanly sharp teeth. "I trust we have all made our introductions?"

No one spoke, but out of the corner of her eye, Tessa could see Will making his way to his feet, already stepping in front of Jem. Yanluo noticed as well, and his smile widened.

"Oh, come now, do not worry about little Carstairs. He is not my main objective at the moment."

Tessa heard Jem make another small noise in the back of his throat. She was desperate to get to him, to leap off the bed and run to his side. She forced herself to remain still, however, and instead shot a glare in the demon's direction. She would not put Jem in more danger by antagonizing Yanluo. She would have to play it out and see how he reacted to certain actions.

Yanluo looked amused when he caught her stare. "How loyal your companions are, Carstairs," he said.

Jem did not respond, but Tessa spotted the flaring anger that sparked in his eyes. _Finally_, she thought. _He's waking up_.

"Tell us why you brought us here," Will demanded.

"I thought that would have been obvious by now," Yanluo answered, examining his nails. "I was none too pleased to discover that after having been run out of the Shanghai Institute, one of the members of the Carstairs family had escaped." His pale eyes slid to Jem. "Although the _yin fen_ did do its job quite perfectly. How different you look now, Jian."

Jem flinched at the use of his Chinese name, the one Tessa knew was his mother's last word.

"Now then," Yanluo smiled, "shall we begin?"

A loud noise reverberated through the room, and Tessa turned her attention to the chair that was now lying awkwardly on its side. Jem was breathing heavily again, his rush to stand so abrupt that he'd knocked over the armchair. Tessa was surprised at the intensity in his gaze, fixed solely on the demon in front of them. He appeared taller this way, more in control. She knew by the knowing look on his face that Yanluo had sensed it as well.

"Leave them alone," Jem said. "You want me, and very well, you can have me. But—" he paused to slap Will's hand away, who was reaching to pull him back. Will opened his mouth, no doubt to reprimand his friend for giving himself up, but the spark in Jem's eyes was so sharp that Will did not bother, though he didn't move away.

Yanluo laughed, and Tessa nearly gasped at the inhuman sound of it. "If you really believe that, Jian, then you are truly in for a surprise." His features hardened. Tessa fought the urge to run, her instincts telling her to try and get out while she still had a chance at living. She remained on the bed, eyes trained on the silver boy in front of her.

Jem stepped closer, now only a few feet from the Greater Demon, who only seemed more put out that Jem would dare to approach him without fear. "Your precious mother destroyed everything I had. She took my children from me, and I fully intended to take hers as well. Things did not go completely according to my plan, however, and now you still walk. Alive."

"I would hardly call this living," Jem's voice was quiet but strong. Tessa felt her heart skip a beat.

"Exactly," Yanluo said. "I have come to accept this form of death for you. Suffering before you die is precisely the sort of torture your mother deserved. One that I wish to bestow now on you, even more so than before. I have not brought you here to do what I did last time. That would be incredibly redundant, and I have no use for routine."

Jem worked his jaw, visibly holding himself back. Tessa had only seen him this way once, a few days ago when he had hit Will. She knew that both boys bottled up their pain, but Jem had a tendency to smother almost every negative emotion, and she worried that it would one day explode. She both longed for and feared that moment.

"I will not ask you again," Jem said. "Leave them alone. They are of no use to you."

Yanluo snarled, and Tessa visibly jumped. His teeth were so strangely pointed, and his eyes had flashed a bright red color, as if physically accentuating his anger. He and Jem were mere centimeters from each other, and even though Yanluo was inhumanly taller, Jem did not appear small in the least. Tessa was surprised to see absolutely no fear in Jem's gaze. Determination and pride lingered there, an unwillingness to back down, even in the face of the thing that had killed his family.

"Your disgusting human loyalty is seriously starting to grate on my nerves."

Jem frowned. "I would think you of all people would understand loyalty. After all, you still desire vengeance for the deaths of your offspring, and it has been years since my mother killed them."

The demon almost laughed, a smile playing at his mouth. "Do not attempt to throw me in the same filthy hole as you Nephilim," he said. "It is not loyalty or love that drives me. I am not like you. No, it is but a desire to put you all in your place. I want you Shadowhunters to remember what your arrogance will cause you to lose."

It happened so fast that Tessa hardly had a chance to blink before the room erupted into chaos. A powerful force barreled into Tessa's chest, knocking the air from her lungs in half a second. She vaguely heard a scream before she collided with the headboard of the bed, the same strange force keeping her locked against the wood. When she glanced down, she saw that nothing was holding onto her, and yet she was trapped. She felt as if a load of cement had been dropped onto her legs and shoulders, pinning her to the bed.

Her head was swimming and she had to force herself to focus on her blurring vision as she peered at the sight before her, taking in each person's face. Will was nowhere to be seen, Yanluo was smiling, and Jem's eyes were trained on the floor, wide with shock. When she craned her neck, Tessa could see Will lying at the foot of the bed, resting on his knees with his elbows cradled against his chest. His face was contorted with pain, and Tessa couldn't help but cry out. She did not know where she stood with him, and she wasn't sure that she would ever know, but despite it all—the careless words, the mood swings, the way he would hold her one moment and then shove her away—she could not help but care about him. She worried about what that meant for her sanity.

Jem glared at Yanluo, though Tessa could see the anxiety beginning to settle onto his features. "What are you doing?" he said quietly. "What have you done to Will?"

"Your mother needed this reminder five years ago. It's a shame that you didn't learn your lesson when you were young." Yanluo's voice was sharp and powerful. He knew he was back in control, and it made Tessa's blood boil.

"What do you mean? I asked you to leave them alone!"

The demon snapped his fingers and Will screamed, doubling over and struggling to catch his breath. Tessa bit back a yelp, holding herself as still as possible despite every nerve in her body pounding against her ribcage, begging her to break free and throw herself at Yanluo. An unfamiliar yearning gripped her heart and she gasped. She felt her clockwork angel grow hot, nearly searing the skin at her throat. _Is Yanluo doing this to me?_

Jem took a step towards his_ parabatai_, but halted when Yanluo let out an inhuman hiss. "Make one movement and he dies."

Jem's expression did not waver. "What?"

"I'm going to show you just how much of a weakness your emotions are, and how strongly they have ahold of you, Jian." Yanluo's voice was quiet, barely audible over Will's groans. "The instructions are simple. I will place five levels of pain upon your friend, each more gruesome than the last. Do not fret, for the torture is purely mental. William is going to believe it's real, and it will feel quite tangible indeed, but alas it is only in his mind. Your job," he looked at Jem, "is to watch. You cannot look away, not even for a second. Should you do so, or if even one emotion passes across your face, I will not hesitate to slash William's throat right here on the carpet."

Tessa's heart stopped.

Jem would never allow it. He couldn't gamble with Will's life like that. Surely he would stop it—yell, fight, scream, anything. He loved Will more than anyone in the world, didn't he? He could never go through with this, and even if he did, Tessa feared he would not make it. He was strong, stronger than Tessa would have ever believed upon meeting him, but she did not think anyone had the willpower to witness their friend be tortured without making a single sound or facial expression.

And yet she sensed the decision in Jem's stance before he spoke. "Very well. If that is what I must do." His voice had died again. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and schooled his features into absolute nothingness.

Yanluo smiled. "Anything you would like to say, William?"

Will spat some blood on the ground and grinned. He looked the same as when he'd bitten de Quincey's arm so many weeks ago, like a bad little angel drowning in blood.

"Go to Hell—" he cut off with a cry, collapsing onto his elbows.

"Hell is not a far reach from what you are about to experience." Yanluo snapped his fingers again. "Believe me."

* * *

Will was dying.

He was absolutely certain of it. There was no way he could survive this much pain. He felt like someone had taken a knife to his insides, picking and prodding his organs until he could not help but vomit onto the carpet. Blood coated his vision, blurring with what he feared could be tears. He cursed himself silently for his inability to hold back the screams that tore through his throat, mixing with the white-hot agony spreading through his limbs.

He was a Shadowhunter. He was Nephilim. He would not go down because of some worthless demon's idea of a mind game.

And the curse. He was so close to finding a means of breaking it. Tessa—

Will grit his teeth and glanced up in time to catch Jem's eye. He saw a flash of silver as Jem flicked some hair from his face, his gaze never wavering as he watched the torture. Will frowned when he caught Jem's expression—or lack of one. It was as if his whole face had been wiped clean of emotion until nothing at all remained. He looked like he could not care less whether Will cried or screamed or died. But that would never be the case.

Jem loved him. He still did, even after all the horrible things that Will had done, Jem still loved him. He had to. Will had no one left in the world if he didn't have James.

"_I would always have forgiven you."_

There was no tension in Jem's shoulders, no working of his jaw.

"_There is a wall you have built about yourself, and I have never asked you why."_

Will could hear Yanluo's voice, and then another snap of his fingers, before the stabbing pain in his chest increased tenfold, maneuvering its way up into his brain. He screamed as the skin on his face felt like it was ripped apart, pins and needles sliding into his eyes.

"_I thought that you needed me."_

Jem did not react as Will fell to his back, arching up off the carpet as he felt his insides twist and stretch through his ribcage, which cracked under the pressure.

"_Where Will goes, I go."_

He could no longer see Jem's face, and he was glad of it. He knew that Jem would be attempting to stop Yanluo if he could, therefore something was holding him back. Yanluo had to be holding something—or someone—over Jem's head. There was no other explanation.

"_If it concerns Will, it concerns me."_

Jem forgave him for taking the drugs. He forgave him for all the times he had gone out late and come back drunk, pretending to be drunk, or just plain inebriated. He had loved him even through all the hateful remarks, attempts at attacking Gabriel, and lies about his whereabouts. There was nothing Will could ever do that would make Jem cease loving him. He believed that—

"_God damn you."_

Will's heart stuttered, and he knew it was not from Yanluo's torture. The panic had begun to sink in again, the same terrifying anxiety that said Jem's love was not indestructible, not unconditional. Even someone like William Herondale could break that bond if he pushed against it hard enough. He feared that he snapped it, irrevocably tarnished what little love he had managed to earn from Jem. Life without love was no life at all, and in that moment Will could not have cared less about the way his heart seemed to explode in his chest, or how his brain felt like it was melting in his skull.

He just wanted to know that he was loved.

* * *

It ended almost as soon as it began. Tessa could not have counted the amount of times that she had cried for Yanluo to stop, had begged until her mouth ran dry. There was something horribly wrong with seeing a man who usually burned so bright, reduced to nothing but a screaming, writhing, broken mess on the floor. Eventually it had become too much, and Tessa had sat back against the headboard, giving in to the invisible restraints on her body. She could not continue to watch him hurt. It was tearing at her heart in a way she would not allow herself to acknowledge.

Will's screams halted abruptly, and Tessa blew out a relieved breath she had not realized she'd been holding. He was panting heavily and there was sweat beading his brow, but there were no wounds, just like Yanluo had promised. For some reason, it only hurt Tessa worse to know that everything Will had just experienced had only been in his mind.

Yanluo whispered something to Jem that Tessa could not hear, and then exited without another word. Will had his eyes closed, and didn't appear to notice the demon's departure. Tessa tore her gaze from him and onto Jem, who was staring at the wall. When she peered closer, she could see a silent storm brewing in his silver eyes.

He did not look at her as he rushed from the room, slipping out of the door before it could close all the way. It latched with a definitive click, and he was gone.

* * *

Jem ran.

He ignored everything—the stone steps of the old building they were being held in, the crisp crunch of leaves and twigs under his feet, the wind howling in his ears, and the burning in his skin that alerted to him to the lack of _yin fen_ in his bloodstream. He simply ran as fast as he could, refusing to stop for breath or to even see where he was going. He knew that he should look around him and take note of their location, but all he could think about was running as far and as fast as he could, chasing some reality that he could never grasp.

He collapsed a few yards into a nearby forest, falling against the trunk of a large tree. He could see the tips of the building in the distance, but not enough to make out any details. Yes, he was far enough away now. No one could hear him.

He exploded.

It was like a dam had broken inside his heart. Every emotion he had been holding back, smothering deep down until he felt nothing at all while Will had yelled and thrashed on the ground, broke free until he fell onto his knees from the weight of it.

He could see his _parabatai_ behind his closed eyes. The cries repeated over and over again in his mind, like some kind of horrible reminder of what he had witnessed, of what he had not stopped. He'd allowed Will to suffer through a similar torture he had endured as a child. Every vow he'd made to protect Will from harm, every promise he'd sworn that he would never allow Will to be in pain the way he was every damn day, had broken into a million pieces at the sound of Will's cries.

_Is this just another Hell for me, Mother?_

Jem sat back on his knees and wrapped his arms around himself. He was his only comfort. He had no parents to vent to, to hold him when his world fell apart around him. Charlotte and Henry would always be there for him, but it just wasn't the same. He needed his mother and father. He needed them more than he ever did as a child.

Will's screams appeared again, Jem's brain forcing himself to remember how they had sounded, memorizing every octave and every tone, imprinting it into his heart so he would never forget it, not even after he died.

"I do hope you realize that nothing is really stopping you from leaving," Yanluo had whispered to him only moments earlier, in Mandarin, his mother's tongue. "You could easily break this lock and run far away from here. But you will come back. You will always come back. Because as long as I have one of your companions in my grasp, you will never be far from my reach, little Carstairs."

How could he be so powerless? How could he just sit there and watch his friends be tortured, _and do nothing_? He would never forgive himself. And he wouldn't dare allow himself to forget.

He remembered the first time he had ever seen Will's face. Even as a child, there had been a sharp, electric edge to everything Will said or did. Jem had thought it odd that every emotion that passed across the other boy's face had been forceful, intentional. There was nothing that Will Herondale would allow to break through his mask unless he wanted it to. Jem had made a promise to himself that day that he would be the first to do it, to crack that façade. And he had done it. In more ways than one.

He could still picture the day Will asked him to be his _parabatai_. It had completely taken Jem off guard, flipping his world upside down for one bewildering moment. Jem prided himself on always staying composed. He was a Shadowhunter, of an extremely respected family, and he must forever carry that name proudly and professionally. He would never cry in front of anyone, never break down or lose his temper. He would be a leader when necessary, and fight every day to prolong his life for those he cared about. He did not live for himself, but for others; he didn't mind it, really.

But when Will had said those words, had told him that he wanted to be his brother, something had cracked inside of him, and Jem had realized that day that Will was not the only one who wore a supposedly impenetrable mask. A mask that, like Will's, was slowly beginning to crumble.

It completely fell apart around his feet as he hugged himself, bent over so his nose nearly brushed the wet soil of the forest. He could smell the sharp pine of the leaves at his feet, could sense the movement of small game in the nearby brush. He was never truly alone, and yet alone was all he wanted to be right then.

He had not realized what had happened until he saw the soft drops of water coating the petals around him. At first he believed it must be raining. But when he glanced up at the sky, he saw that it was a brilliant blue, not a cloud to be seen. The water on his face was not rain at all, but tears he had almost forgotten he could produce.

The sobs were silent, and heavy. He had not cried in so long that for a moment his body felt foreign to him, a separate entity entirely. He burrowed his fingernails into the sides of his shirt, digging them into his ribcage. He knew he must look ridiculous and absolutely pathetic, but the chances of anyone finding him in the middle of nowhere was slim to none, and even then they would most likely be a mundane who could not see him even if he wanted them to.

He wanted a great many things. He wanted to be invisible, to evaporate into the cloudless sky or melt into the soil. He wanted to rip Yanluo apart until nothing remained but nightmares and memories. He wanted Will to laugh again, to make horrible jokes and songs and be the person that Jem knew he could truly be—a man worth love and happiness and everything that was good in the world. He wanted Tessa, her smile and her compassion. He wanted to make those sad grey eyes light up with laughter. He wanted her arms around him again. He wanted her as far away from Yanluo as physically possible.

Everything he wanted was a lie. An unreachable paradise.

And so he cried. He cried until he had nothing left.

* * *

By the time Jem returned that night, Tessa was already asleep. Will had insisted she do so, as Jem had left of his own free will and therefore would be back eventually. Their bond allowed Will to understand that Jem was in no real danger at the moment, and that he had been lucky to slip out the door before it locked him in again.

_Hopefully he found help,_ Will thought, _or at least made a mental note of our location._

He was overjoyed when Jem finally stepped through the door, only to immediately put his guard up when he realized that no one was with his friend.

"Where were you?" Will demanded, not caring if he sounded harsh. "And why did you close the door? We all could have made an escape but now it's gone and locked itself again!"

Jem shook his head. He was covered in filth from his knees down, what looked to Will like dirt and grass stains. He could not fathom what Jem had been up to outside, but he refrained from questioning him. After all, Jem never asked what Will did during his nightly escapades, so it was only fair that he return the favor every once in a while.

"Yanluo has us holed up in the middle of nowhere. Believe me, I took a walk around to see for myself. Even if we all managed to get out of the building without Yanluo stopping or killing us, then we would have a long road back to civilization." Jem's eyes darkened. "I was correct before about us no longer residing in England. The air and the sky are both very unlike London."

Will collapsed in an armchair, spreading his long legs out in front of him. There were no side effects of the torture that he could see or feel. He felt as perfect as he had before Yanluo had taken them. He caught the dark brown stain on the carpet in front of him and his stomach clenched. So perhaps not all of the torture had been mental. He could still taste on his tongue the copper residue of his blood.

He sighed and glanced up, forcing himself to look at Jem, who was also staring at the bloodstain. Will bit his lip. He had not forgotten the horrible path his mind had taken while he had been under Yanluo's influence.

"Why did you not stop him?"

Jem frowned, his expression unreadable. "Don't you think I would have if I'd had a choice?"

So there had been something holding Jem back. Tessa had been telling him the truth. How could he have thought any differently?

"_God damn you."_

Perhaps it was because deep down, Will knew he was undeserving of Jem's kindness, and a small part of him had desired tangible evidence of that belief. He wanted proof that he was truly poison to those he loved. It seemed he would not find it in James.

"Yanluo threatened to kill you if I interfered."

Will nodded. Just as Tessa as said. "I have no doubt that he would have harmed Tessa as well. We are lucky that he has been ignoring her for the most part. He keeps her at a distance, possibly because he does not see her as a danger to his plans."

Jem appeared to agree. "Or he may wish to study her. I am certain that her situation intrigues him."

Upon closer inspection, Will noticed that his friend's shoulders were limp, and his eyes glassy. He looked tired. Tired and very old.

"Do you hate me?" he blurted before he could stop himself. He shut his mouth immediately, wishing desperately that he could take the words back.

Jem furrowed his brow. "What are you talking about?"

Will sat up straight. He had to be honest, and that did not come easily to him anymore. But now was the time to really know for sure, and to finally answer the question that had burned itself in his brain since the day he had met James Carstairs.

"Do you actually like me, or do you just feel the need to protect me from myself?" When Jem did not respond, Will said, "I mean, do you hate me, like everyone else?"

Jem never ceased to surprise him, and the thought came to Will again when he saw the silver boy smile. "I do not think that anyone hates you, William. I certainly do not. I quite like you, but you know that. You've known that for years." He shook his head. "I don't understand why you are asking me such pointless questions."

"They are not pointless to me."

Jem actually laughed then. The sound was like a beacon of hope, and Will clung to it. "I have never met a man so desperate to know that his friends are truly his friends. Yes, William, I like you. I don't hate you in the slightest. In fact, I do not think I could hate you even if I wanted to, and I had thought that you were already aware of this. I love you, Will. You are my brother, and I—" Jem broke off, his eyes wide. "I am sorry. I am sorry that I was too weak to stop Yanluo from hurting you."

Will gaped at his friend. That explained the dejected look on his face, then. "You think that what you did was weak?"

Jem was silent for a while as their eyes met. Will could not place the look inside them, but for some reason it made him want to reach out and grab Jem's hand, to reassure him of something even though he had no idea what that comfort was for. Jem broke his gaze and sauntered to the corner of the wall closest to Tessa's bed, where Will suspected a window would be if they had any.

"I should not have allowed that thing to hurt you. But I—" He broke off, his voice soft and broken. "I was so afraid that if I said no to his demands, he would kill you. And I could not have borne that pain, or that guilt. I let him put you through so much pain, and I could do nothing but stand there and watch. I was not allowed to cry out for you. I certainly could not look away, though you have no idea how badly I wished I could."

Tessa had told Will that she was unable to watch the whole event. After a few minutes, she had given in and fallen against the bed, effectively ridding him from her line of sight. The thought that she cared enough about him that she could not watch him in pain both terrified him and made his heart ache. He turned his eyes from Jem just long enough to glance at her, wrapped up in the thin blankets, her cheek pillowed on her hand. She did not look at peace—her eyes were tightly shut, the corners of her lips turned down in a frustrated frown—and yet she could not have seemed more beautiful to him.

He forced himself to turn his focus back on Jem, who was not paying attention in the slightest. Will was glad of it; Jem could never know about his feelings for Tessa. It would lead to questions that Will would never be able to answer. But if he broke the curse, then just maybe he could tell them both of his heart. He dreamed of that day, even if he tried not to for fear that it would lead to disappointment and madness.

He had been so lost in his thoughts that he had failed to notice the shine in Jem's eyes, or the way his shoulders had begun to shake just slightly. It passed quickly. Jem closed his eyes, breathed in deeply, and when he opened them again, all trace of sadness had left his face. Will frowned.

"It's all right to show that you are upset," he said without thinking, then mentally slapped himself. Who was he to tell someone to show their true emotions?

Jem must have been thinking the same thing, for he replied quietly, "You are one to talk, William."

"I know, but I do mean it, believe it or not. You can cry if you need. No judgment here." Will shrugged his shoulders in a little dance. "No need to worry about loss of masculinity where I am concerned."

Jem laughed, but it quickly sobered. "I will not cry, Will. I have had enough of being weak today."

Will's eyes widened. "I am surprised to hear you say that."

"I do not mean that crying is a weakness. I mean—" Jem let out a frustrated growl and buried his hands in his hair. Will leaped to his feet just as his friend slumped against the wall. "What I mean is that, for me, crying is not a luxury I can afford. I cannot waste what little time I have feeling sorry for myself. I have to be strong, for you and Tessa and the Branwells. To smile for them when they need it. To not burden them with my baggage, _my_ addiction. And meanwhile, I have to defend my family name to people like Gabriel who only see how that very addiction is encumbering it. If I let myself break down, if I let myself cry—"

Will shook his head. "Everyone has those moments, James."

"But I cannot have them!"

It dawned on him then. "You are angry."

Jem's voice rose. "Of course I am angry! My past has come back at full force to hurt those that I love! Yanluo is here, hurting you, possibly intending to hurt Tessa, and who knows who else, because he was not killed the first time! _I_ did not kill him the first time! And I thought that perhaps I would have the strength now to do it, but—" he paused, breathing heavily. His eyes were a bright silver now, almost glowing with his loss of control. Will was brutally reminded of when Jem hit him only a few days earlier. But this was different. This was not sadness, or even anger. This was chaos.

Will placed his hands on either side of Jem's face, forcing his friend to look at him. "Listen to me," he said in as stern a voice as he could manage. "What happened to your parents was not your fault."

"I'm not like you," Jem whispered. "I was not raised in the same manner as you. You had a mundane childhood, but I did not. I was a Shadowhunter from the moment I was born. I am expected to show that in everything I do. I should have been able to fight Yanluo all those years ago, but I did not. I was scared and I ran away. I did nothing while he tortured me and my parents. I let them die."

Will was amazed. He'd had no idea that Jem blamed himself for the murder of his parents. He had simply assumed that Jem realized how awful the situation had been, and had not thought long on it at all. "You were eleven years old at the time, James. You could not even bear runes yet."

"So what? I still could have fought and died nobly like my parents did. Instead, I am going to rot away inside my own body, forever restricted by this addiction, which I probably deserve for being so weak."

Will smothered the urge to grab Jem's shoulders and shake him into next week. "You think you are weak?" he said, and something in his voice must have triggered Jem, for the other boy snapped his eyes up to meet Will's, silver and blue locking on each other. "You survived an attack by a Greater Demon when you were only a boy. You taught me almost everything I know about hunting. You could have chosen to stop being a Shadowhunter, but you stayed a part of the Nephilim anyways, despite being restricted, as you put it."

Jem opened his mouth to interrupt, but Will would not hear it. A dark part of him was screaming at him to stop before he showed too much of himself, before the real Will Herondale broke through, but he could not stop. "You believe you will not live to see your next birthday, and yet you continue to smile for everyone, and comfort others even when you are most in need of it. You see the world with such optimism, something I could never do. Just a few hours ago, you were forced to watch your _parabatai_ suffer a torture similar to your own when you were a child, and you did not flinch or look away. James Carstairs, you have every reason to hate this world, and yet you still believe in the good of humanity, and if that is not strength then I do not know what is."

Light tears glistened on Jem's cheeks, but Will knew that his friend was unaware of it, so he did not mention it.

And when Jem's knees buckled and he fell into Will's arms, Will held him silently, for as long as he needed, giving Jem all the security he had never given himself.

* * *

The next morning, Tessa was astonished to find Jem and Will on the floor by her bed, discussing some sort of strategic plan she could not comprehend. When she asked them what they were doing, Will looked up at her with a wide smile on his face, a natural one so unlike him that it made Tessa's heart skip for a moment.

It only stuttered further when she caught Jem's eye and saw that he was also grinning. She wondered if he had always looked so relaxed, or if it was perhaps a trick of the light.

When neither boy answered her, she pressed, "I said, what is going on?"

Will and Jem looked once at each other, before turning back to Tessa, and for the first time in a long time, Tessa felt like all the pieces of her heart were put together perfectly, shaped like the two men in front of her.

When Jem spoke, there was laughter in his voice.

"We're getting out of here."

* * *

**A/N: Whew, that was long. I didn't want it to be multi-chapter, however, because this was never meant to be a full-blown story. It ends here. Just a one-shot. I think this is the fic I'm most proud of at the moment, so I really want to know your thoughts! Please with a cherry on top, drop me a little note! Either in the box below or as a PM. I'd love to hear from you! Again, sorry for not being around of late. I promise to start posting more fics soon. (I actually have two others in the works.)**

**Quick question though, for anyone that cares. For those of you who have been reading my other fic, "One Drop of Blood," I had originally planned to only write that one until City of Heavenly Fire came out, because I knew that the canon wouldn't match the ideas in my head. And lo and behold, there were a few things in Heavenly Fire that clashed with One Drop of Blood. I had chosen not to continue it, but was then bombarded by some people on Tumblr that said I should keep writing it, just as an AU. So, are you guys still interested in it? Do you want me to continue it? It's all up to you guys! Please, if you read that story, I seriously encourage you to let me know if you want me to keep going with it. I need to know if anyone will bother to keep reading. You can either go to that story and write a review telling me whether or not to continue, you can just do it here, or send me a PM! I love hearing from you guys! (And my apologies for the long author notes on this fic!)**

**Thank you so much! See you around! **

"**Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you." –**_**Game of Thrones**_


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